“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Mt 5:23-24)
Forgiveness as a Gift to the Self I remember several years ago I was listening to the news on the radio and there was a report of a fatal shooting in an Amish community. The local folks’ first reaction was not to condemn the shooting, grieve the loss, or comfort the victim’s family, but to offer forgiveness to the killer. I thought, “How profound! You would think they would want to offer condolences to the family of the victim first, but they recognized that true healing comes from within and that the first step to healing is to release the offender from the debt they owe.” These folks must have known that the Christian thing to do was to immediately offer forgiveness, regardless of the killer’s motives. This selfless act made them feel virtuous and provided a great testimony. I believe the victim’s family felt comforted by this act, knowing that their loved one’s memory was honored by such a powerful act of love and mercy. The killer may have expressed no remorse, but that is irrelevant. The act of forgiveness is not for the offender; it is for the one who has been offended.
Most people have probably had someone tell them at one time or another that they need to forgive some person who has wronged them. That is often the first response of the Bible-believing Christian. And it is the right response. It resolves the grievance and rights the wrong by freeing the victim from the burden of bitterness and resentment. It is not our responsibility to address the offender’s sins; that is between them and God. We hear “forgive,” “forgive,” “forgive,” all the time from our Christian brothers and sisters, and this is exactly what we need to hear. Forgiveness is not about making things right with the offender; it is about making things right within ourselves.
Does God expect us to forgive the unrepentant? God’s love and mercy are so vast that they extend even to the unrepentant sinner. His love is not conditional on our confession or our repentance; it is a free gift given to all who would receive it. This is why God sends the rain on the just and the unjust alike. First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” This is a beautiful promise, but it does not mean that God withholds His grace from those who have not yet confessed. On the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive those who joined in mocking him, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” This was a perfect example of unconditional love and forgiveness.
We are called to be more magnanimous and merciful than God, as our capacity for love is so much smaller. The act of offering forgiveness in the absence of an acknowledgment of sin is not absolution; it is an act of profound love and grace. It is a powerful way to demonstrate the love of Christ to a world that desperately needs to see it. It is not about leaving a person in their transgression, but about showing them a love so powerful that it may one day lead them to repentance.
Forgiveness for the Unrepentant? Forgiveness is not about reconciliation; it is about the victim’s healing. The whole point of forgiveness is to release oneself from the burden of bitterness and resentment. It is a gift that we give to ourselves. Without any acknowledgment of sin, forgiveness is still meaningful. It frees the victim from the chains of anger and hurt. The sin is resolved when the victim decides to let it go. The relationship may remain unrepaired, and that is a reality we must accept. But the victim is free to move on and find peace.
Take our relationship with God, for example. We are the offenders. We all have sinned against God. God’s love is so vast that He offered forgiveness to us before we even knew we needed it. He sent His Son to pay the debt on our behalf, and that gift is available to all, regardless of whether they ever accept it. The same is true for our relationships with one another. If we think that we can only forgive when the offender has confessed, we have not truly forgiven. We have made our forgiveness conditional, just as the Pharisees made their love conditional. The Bible tells us not to return evil for evil, to do good to those who persecute us, and to turn the other cheek. This is a call to unconditional love and forgiveness.
Instead of urging an injured brother or sister to confront the offender, the Bible says to let go of the offense and find peace within. Matthew 18:15-17 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” This passage is about the process of church discipline, not about personal forgiveness. The responsibility to forgive rests on the victim, not on the offender to confess.
Forgiveness Is a Gift to Be Freely Given The most famous illustration of forgiveness in the Bible is the parable of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15:11-32. Here the son, unable to wait for his father’s death, demands his inheritance and goes to a far-off land where he quickly blows the whole fortune. He finds himself slopping pigs and eating their food just to survive. Then one day he suddenly comes to his senses, decides to swallow his pride and return home, acknowledging his foolishness and asking to be reinstated, but as a servant. The father eagerly welcomes him home and restores to him all the privileges of a favored son, despite his rebellion.
This story shows us the unconditional love of the father. He did not wait for his son to confess his sins; he ran to him and embraced him. This is a beautiful picture of how God’s love works. He does not wait for us to confess our sins before He offers us forgiveness. He offers it freely to all who would receive it. This is why we, as followers of Christ, should offer forgiveness to those who have wronged us, regardless of their repentance.
From these two tales, we learn how forgiveness works in God’s economy. We owe a massive debt to God for the sins we commit — one that can never be repaid. But He sent His Son to pay the debt on our behalf. That debt is forgiven when we accept the gift that is offered by God. This gift is freely given, and it is not our right to withhold it from others. Too many Christians today see forgiveness as a transaction, something that must be earned. But true forgiveness is an unconditional gift that we give freely.
Forgiveness Brings Peace I have heard people say that forgiveness is more for the victim than the offender because it helps him heal by letting the offense go. This is a profound truth. The Bible tells us not to return evil for evil, to do good to those who persecute us, and to turn the other cheek, not as an act of forgiveness, but as an act of mercy. That is how the Father treats us. He makes it rain on the just and the unjust alike. Forgiveness is a gift, as the name implies. A gift must be given, and it is our responsibility to give that gift freely, regardless of whether it is received.
Psalm 51 is a beautiful prayer of repentance and a model for how we ought to approach God when we have wronged another. Here David not only acknowledges his sinful behavior but his utter inability as a natural-born sinner to do any right in God’s eyes. He pleads for cleansing and then promises to teach sinners God’s ways in return. We should be quick to confess our sins, but we should also be quick to forgive those who have sinned against us.
It takes a great deal of humility to forgive. Not many do it well. But when we do, we find a deep sense of peace and freedom.
Building a Bond Two of my most cherished friends are the men who forgave me when I was stuck in a period of rebellion against God. I had been deeply wronged by my ex-spouse who cheated on me, stole from me and lied to me over and over again about her relationships with other men. I turned to the church for help but received none. I asked my family to intervene on my behalf but they refused. I became very angry with the church and my family and my anger spilled out into all my relationships, estranging me from my friends and family. But each of these two godly men cared enough about me to come alongside and offer me their unconditional forgiveness. One made a special trip all the way from California to Chicago to visit me. He had little money to spare for airfare, but he was concerned enough to make the sacrifice for me. As a result of these displays of brotherly love, I was able to let go of my anger and bitterness. I had been feeling a deep sense of estrangement from God because I had allowed my anger to consume me. But God restored me to fellowship and renewed my relationships with others.
I am sure it was not easy for either of these men to approach me. I had been harsh with them in the past. But they came anyway, not to rebuke me, but to love me and offer me their forgiveness. I am sure it was not easy for Nathan to confront David, either. David could have said, “Off with his head!” and that would have been the end of it. But thankfully, he welcomed the counsel of a loving friend. So should we. And we should be willing to come alongside a brother to help him forgive those who have done him wrong, not to confront them.
